Meaning of Life… 

I don’t know why, but it bothers me so much. It’s like a broken record in my head. I can’t get past these words. I can’t stop thinking about them. Over and over, as if someone hit repeat button.

Honestly, I never really understood my curiosity to understand this world through the understanding of the cultures which populate it, to understand what it means to be human, to understand why we accept the meaning of death and yet blame the death for taking our loved once away from us, to understand this “circle of life” and more importantly to understand the reason why I am here in the first place.

When I tell my mother: “I feel that I’m special and not like everyone else… I have a purpose that I am supposed to fulfill,” she looks at me with a gentle smile and answers “Of course you are, after all you are my first-born”. I smile back, plump myself on a couch and wonder if it is merely my imagination feeling up the void of not feeling enough love or is there something “special/different” about me.

As I walk around the streets of Rome, it fascinates me to see how much ignorance is around me. How simple living can satisfy our day-to-day life and yet the race for luxurious life style invades the daily worry. How at times it feels pretentious to be a part of something not an inch of me relates to. How people don’t care about more than now and their own being. How no one thinks of others or considers how BIG this freaking amazingly beautiful world truly is. Why we never question our “government” and how we go along with what we call “politicians aka people just like us, but slightly more corrupted with power syndrome” decisions. How we don’t take charge of our own destiny and rely on others to make us into something. How we evolve and yet stand still, how we grow and yet not able to catch up and how we run faster than we ever could and yet can’t find the right road to follow. Humans without heart or is it humans without power to think. Are we masses or are we individuals. When do we unite if we only care for “ourselves”? Why do we allow others to play “big boys games” without ever letting them know how we feel about it? Why do we debate on “our rights” as if it is not given to us by birth. Why do we create laws to only find “clause” to relieve us from any responsibilities. We do we allow those with bigger big accounts create their own “laws/rules” to follow. Why do we play these games, create these complicated rules and ignore any consequences?

What does it me to be free-spirited? What does it mean to be open-minded? 

I try to hide and pretend I don’t care, but unfortunately or fortunately I care way too much. I don’t know how to guided, which path to take, at which speed to get there and how to do it by playing by “their” rules.

I am trying to be human. I am trying to understand… the meaning of my life.

YOU are always there to guide me.

Though YOU no longer hold my hand.

Teaching me to learn from my own mistakes,

Letting me walk my own path,

Cry my own tears,

Fight my own battles,

Declare my own peace.

Am I ready?

Off to find the meaning of MY LIFE

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