I am feeling blue. I am not sure why and I have no idea what this feeling relates to nevertheless I am feeling blue. I want to smile but it comes off fake. I want to be happy but it feels awkward. I want to laugh but tears run down my cheeks. I can give million reasons as to why this could be yet none of them make sense. I have no reason and I need no reason to feel out of place. It scares me a bit since when I am sad I think about things that normally don’t bother me. I feel so alone. I feel like no one cares, no one understands, no one can relate to what I’m feeling. I want to share but it comes out as million complains about life. I want to tell someone what really bothers me but I’m to scared to open up and trust. Trust… funny thing this 5 letter word. I am scared to trust. I am scared to get disappointed again.

Does this overwhelming feeling comes with the change of weather or is there a deeper meaning to it? I care to know; however, I simply want to turn off the volume, shut my door and disconnect from the world. I want to find my Zen and come to my senses. Perhaps meditating might help and reflecting on my life might put things into broader perspective. I know I love life for every moment it gives me. I do realize that even when clouds hide the sun, it is still there waiting to come out. I miss sun! Maybe the answer to my blues is as simple as I am not ready to change seasons. I know I have some reflecting to do though I certainly want a hug!


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