21 Aug 2016 Leave a comment
Sweet memories from few years ago….
There is suffering in life and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it’s better to lose some of the battles in the struggle for your dreams than to be defeated without ever even knowing what you’re fighting for. ~ By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept; Paulo Coelho
I am not a big blogger, but this is a very special occasion not to write about. I would like to document this exciting event coming up and leave memories not only in pictures but also in words! In 2 weeks I am turning 25! I can’t answer why this is so special to me, besides after all it is quarter of the century event, yet I am super excited. A lot is going to happen and change this year. I am eager to except new challenges and embark on my new adventures that life has in store for me. This summer was more than I could have ever asked for. For sure this is the summer I’ll never forget. I spend a lot of time by the water, got an offer for a temporary job position, took part in a short film, had my photo published in the United Airlines magazine, applied for a grad program in Peace and Conflict resolution, made a Birthday Rap song, went down to Calabria for the first time, saw old friends and made new friends, made few people smile, moved to a new place, took a road trip to France, followed FIFA for the first time in my life, got bite by a bug and had a bad allergic reaction to it, started taking belly dancing classes, went dancing at the beach at night, paid 2 parking tickets and got my rental car towed, laughed a lot, went out a lot, dreamed daily, tried fasting for Ramadan with Melissa but only lasted 2 days, booked a trip to Vegas and currently planning all of the “must happen” in Vegas things, got exciting news from Regina, cheered my mommy up, got reminded how amazing life is, learned to let go, left 13728934572 voicemails for Gina, set goals, followed my heart, turned the music ON very loud, reminded my mommy daily how amazing she is, bought more shoes and pretty dresses, learned to cook new things, prayed, lived, cared, and most of all enjoyed every single day! Hopefully it will be well documented in Melissa’s “Young, beautiful and in Rome” album! I am slowly working out details of my birthday party. It won’t be anything big and flashy. The only thing I do hope to do is to see the sunrise on the morning of my birthday and preferably at the beach! It will be low key with a lot of fun! Everyone is invited to join and I’ll post details later. For now back to work and back to planning!
From unknown source but so inspirational:
I find myself at the crossroads of life
Paths before me going every which way
I can’t go back and I can’t go on
Until I sort out some things
Let go of the future and hold onto the past
Or release the gone and grip what may be
Maybe even cling to the present
And live past tomorrow
Go one way, can’t go back
Travel another, wrong choice to pick
So many different ways to go
So many other things to say
Things that must be left unsaid
Things that are to be left undone
Actions regretted, inaction’s eternal torment
What I want may not be meant
What I have to say must be left in silence
Needful things often lead to unwanted hardships
Sell your soul, or wheel and deal
Either way, you’ve gotta choose
Decide which way to go and what to leave behind
Eternity can’t be spent standing in the middle
Standing at the crossroads of life I try to think
12 days. I just got to work and about to start my daily tasks. This weekend will be a bit hectic. I am hoping to finish a video for the UN Citizen Ambassadors campaign. It’s a chance to speak up and I am hoping I’ll find the right words to make sure that they will be heard! As it happens to turn into habit, I’m planning to spend most of my weekend at the beach. Some sun, sand and salty water. There is something so inviting and relaxing about it. A beach bum experience and as always something I have never really done before. I grew up in Kyrgyzstan and at best we have a beautiful lake Issyk-Kyl. It’s nowhere near the capital thus it was only a short few weeks summer time experience. Though I must say I would love to go back and visit my home again. Spend few weeks at the lake and go hiking in the mountains that surround it. One day. For now, I’ll just enjoy my new found admiration for spending quality time by doing nothing at the beach. Well, maybe I’ll build a fort or a castle. If not, I’ll just read a book. Can’t wait till 4:30pm for the weekend to start!
11 days. Today was such a fun day. I slept in until 11 am, which is really late considering that I have been having almost no sleep all summer. After I went out to Ostia to babysit the adorable boy named Lukas. I had such an amazing time with him. I love kids so much and I am looking forward to one day be a wonderful mother myself. I also realized I would like to stop violence against kids. They are so innocent and so helpless! I can’t imagine ever hurting a child yet there are so many people out there that take sick pleasure in it. It makes me sick to my stomach and I hope in one way or another I can do something! One day! When I was done I decided to take a walk alone at the beach. Instead the walk, I end up getting 070 Bus Tour around Ostia all the way to EUR. Only me haha! It was a nice free tour with Funky Town song to accompany it. I took the Metro back to the center. Melissa cooked a yummy dinner for us, using a recipe from her mom. After I decided it was a good night to be out, so we went out. First to Trastevere, after Campo and rounded it up with Testaccio. A little giro around Rome. On the way to Testaccio I was introduced to a new song by The Wanted “All time low”. Praying won’t do it! Hating won’t do it! Drinking won’t do it! Fighting won’t knock you out! My head! Love it! Today I saw people I haven’t seen in some time. It was nice! Now at 4:00 am I made some pancakes for Melissa to have Sahur. I must say pancakes at 4 am are just super yummy! You should definitely try it out! Out to catch a bit of sleep before starting a new day!
10 days. 4 hours of sleep. That sounds about right🙂 I went to church today. It was a beautiful Sunday! I spend afternoon at the beach and finally enjoyed a nice walk along the water. As per usual, there was a little controversy at the beach and I was politely asked not to take pictures. Of course I did take pictures, but politely put the camera away when I was asked for the 3rd time. I’ll post them soon. After I made a yummy pasta with tuna, yellow pepper, onion and fresh tomato while streaming Step Up 3D. Dinner was fantastic and the movie was cheese yet uplifting! I still haven’t made my video but I have tomorrow, my idea and fully charged camera. Off to research pretty important stuff for my future.
9 days. Sleep check! Birthday cake for Giorgia’s birthday check! Work check! Monday check! All seems in order. Let’s see what this day will bring along😉 This day was very productive. Work was good. After work I did few homey things. Once all was done I worked on the video. I did it! Feels so good! Now I am waiting on youtube to upload it so I can submit it before deadline of 11:59 pm New York time. Time zone difference sometimes works in my favor! While reading today I read something that caught my attention. “The only thing I’ve learned being a cop is that good people get hurt and bad people enjoy it. Our job isn’t to stop the pain, but to prevent it in the future.” from Speak No Evil. It makes me sad that violence can change lives. It does, but it shouldn’t be! I wish to understand more about violence, disturbed personalities and the drive to hurt. I want to understand it, so I can stop it. Maybe it is a bit naive, but I would like to try. Not to be a cop, but to understand bad people to prevent pain of good people in the future! Bad and good is like black and white. It is missing the grey area in between. Grey is there to keep everything in balance. Life is journey with many obstacles before we reach the final destination. You can’t avoid the end, but you can make the journey unforgettable!
8 days. Tonight was a sleepless night. I don’t feel extremely tired but I for sure could use few more hours of sleep. This morning I saw sunrise. It was beautiful! It is so nice to see the world wake up. The day is yet to get hectic and you can still enjoy the silence.
7 days. One week. “To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.” I will love even if the love will never be returned. I will hope and risk pain. I will try even if I fail because I never want to risk nothing. There are lessons you learn in everything. I am learning mine. Today I went running for the 3rd day in the row and it feels good. Even when my clothes is soaked with sweat. Even when my muscles are sore. Cold shower after takes care of everything! I didn’t do much when I got home. I simply relaxed. Me time! At the moment, I am also enjoying my shisha. Ok, I’ll try to be productive and do a little bit of research.
6 days. Is it all a game or there is more to life? I think there is more to life than games! Yet playing well never hurts!
5 days. I’m more than just an option! Refuse to be forgotten! “Never make anyone a priority when they only make you an option” I think I finally truly understood this!
4 days. All day I was out and about on the streets of Rome. What is love? Are we settling down with what’s comfortable simply because we are afraid to be alone? I don’t know what my life would be like but I don’t want to settle to simply be comfortable. I’d rather take my risk! Feel the passion! Find the connection! Trust with fears and desires! I know that this kind of love is worth it! I’ll never be alone but I am OK to be single!
3 days. HAPPY SUNDAY! Beach day as always! Melissa and I recorded our second video for “Happy Birthday To Me!” while James Anderson filmed it. I’ll work on editing to have it up before my birthday! Fears!? Do you let them run your life or do you find a way to conquer them? Do you hide or do you face the reality?
2 days. It feels the same but I know it will be different. It’s not about What, Who, When, Where and Why because in 1 day it will be all about ME. A little bit self-centered but I guess for one day the UNIVERSE can celebrate my existence with me. I have been through and faced a lot in the past 24 years. Yet, I know I have so much more to learn and to face. The battle is within. Life is short! Live it daily! Dream with your eyes open! Feel with all your heart! Don’t let regrets of the past to stop endeavors of your future. Don’t stop the beat! I made my cake and tomorrow at midnight I am going to eat it! I guess sometimes you can have YOUR cake and eat it too!
1 day. So what have I done in my past 24 years? I was born in Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan and at some point I have lived in Russia for about 10 months. I have moved from Kyrgyzstan to the United States of America before turning 16. My big family lives all around the world thus the WORLD is my home. When I was little my great grandma helped watching me since my parents were still studying (RIP! I’ll always carry you in my heart!) and around 10 years old I lived for a bit with my aunt. I remember at my great grandpa’s funeral, I was about 3 or 4 if not younger, I asked everyone to smile because that’s what he would have expected us to do. I have acquired my bachelors’ degree in Business. I speak Russian, I have learned American English and currently I am mastering Italian. I have traveled to 27 countries (Austria, Belgium, China, Czech Republic, Egypt, France, Germany, Greece, Hungary, India, Italy, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Malta, Monaco, The Netherlands, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Slovakia, Spain, Switzerland, Tunisia, Turkey, United States and Vatican City) and about to add 28th country England to that list. I walked out of my house to prove a point and didn’t come back for 3 days (No worries I was safe and stayed with my aunt). I dreamed to see the Eiffel Tower, not only did I see it, but I went all the way to the top of it. I have changed my last name and I have given myself my own middle name. I have moved to Rome to figure out where I stand in life. I have visited a state prison as a part of an anthropology class. I have snowboarded in Alps. I have seen 4 out of 7 Medieval Wonders of the World (The Great Wall, Colosseum, Hagia Sophia and the Leaning Tower of Pisa). I have learned to live with no regrets and will continue to do so in order to LIVE, LOVE AND LAUGH.
September 1, 2010: It all started at midnight of August 31st into September 1st with my birthday cake, great company and my birthday wish. I actually made 2 birthday wishes since by the time the cake made it to the table originally there was only one candle lit. After I had a wonderful time at Sloppy’s and went dancing to Cayote. For Rome it’s a pretty typical night, nothing out of this world, but I was in a great company and to me that’s all that mattered. I had so much fun dancing! It was all I wanted for my birthday and the cherry on the icing was my biggest birthday wish… to be at the beach at sunrise! Wishes do come true! Of course, in my dreams it was not suppose to be cold but I must say staying at the beach to even catch the glimpse of it was worth it. Since we got there a bit early, Melissa and I had to keep each other warm so we cuddled. It would have been cute, if not for all the complains I got! I guess that’s what you get when you drag someone to see the sunrise with you at the beach when it’s super chilly! We fell asleep for about half an hour and woke up just in time. Yet, we didn’t really watch the sun going up because we were on the wrong side. All that mattered at that moment to me was to have that moment. The joy of seeing the sun on the morning of my birthday at the place I spent most of my time this summer! It all happen, not as I wanted but that part didn’t really matter. When dreams come true, it’s not how they materialize that counts but the simple fact that they come true! To spice things up a bit, we stopped a random car to hitch hike our way back to the station. That was fun and hopefully I’ll never have to do it again. After we made it to the station, we took the train back and made it back to the city around 8. I knew I wanted to spend my day at the beach, so I went back. I have never been at the beach all by myself before. It was nice, but a bit boring. What can I say I love being around people! However, I loved it and I was truly at peace. After I caught the train back to Rome and got home to get ready for dinner. Melissa and I went out to have some sushi. It was delicious! I love sushi! Thank you Melissa! To finish my birthday day on the good note, I watched some ‘Friends ‘ with my eyes closed. As you can imagine little naps were not enough to keep me awake. I slept over at Melissa’s house. I woke up the next day and I was the happiest person to ever wake up after their birthday. At least I’d like to think/believe I was! The day only got better and to make it extra special I received beautiful bouquet of flowers with balloons from Gina-Marie! It was the biggest most pleasant surprise I have had in a long time! I love it! Thank you Gina!
I love my life, I love to laugh, I love my family, I love my friends, I love when I wake up with a smile on my face, I love to travel and I love the fact that I am doing what I love! Thank you God for all the blessings in my life!
Now let’s see what this 25th year will bring into my life! Off to live, laugh and love!
01 Aug 2016 Leave a comment
1 Personal Number Year
- Prepare for transformation and endings
- Clean up your life, starting with your home
- Let go of bad habits
- Leave an unfulfilling job
- Tie up loose ends
- End an unhealthy relationship
- Donate to charity or support a cause
- Forgive others and the past
- Resolve outstanding conflicts
- Heal outstanding emotional wounds
28 Jul 2016 Leave a comment
Yesterday, I had experienced a PANIC ATTACK and did not know what was happening to me. When my partner saw me, he described me as a scared kitten behind the wheel. It was an overwhelming and out of my control experience. I was very anxious and paranoid. I had a cold coffee, in Italy you are served a cold expresso. It was too strong for me as I did not have a caffeinated drink in a very long time. I hope information below can help you if you ever find yourself in a similar situation.
Panic Attack (noun)
a sudden overwhelming feeling of acute and disabling anxiety.
Hypersensitivity and Caffeine
Increased Heart Rate Caffeine does increase your heart rate, at least a little bit. Those without anxiety rarely notice. Those with panic attacks tend to notice it and then their mind immediately rushes with anxiety as it fears something may be wrong with your heart or that a panic attack is coming. This reaction then triggers the attack.
Stomach Discomfort Similarly, caffeine doesn’t always sit well in the stomach and chest. There are occasionally aches, pains, and other negative feelings that come from consuming caffeine, especially if you’re someone whose digestive system doesn’t love it. That discomfort can also trigger panic attacks for similar reasons.
Changes in Mental Sharpness Caffeine increases mental sharpness, which is actually a good thing. But still, when that sharpness increases, your mind may translate that change as something going on with your brain. This may also trigger the flood of anxiety that leads to panic attacks.